Patterns is a weekly idea or story for people who don’t want to hate Mondays.
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It’s easy to default to criticism. Evolution has made us good at finding faults. In a world of hunting and gathering noticing something wrong was the difference between life and death. But like many natural states, finding fault more often than noticing the good doesn’t serve us well in the modern world of work.
Psychologist John Gottman found a magic number that led to positive relationships. The number is a ratio of compliments to criticism. Good relationships have a ratio of at least 5 compliments to 1 criticism. Constructive feedback is important to relationships, especially at work. But we need to build trust if the feedback is going to be well received and adopted.
How we communicate our feelings greatly influences how others receive new ideas. (tweet this)
The short film Validation shows the impact one positive person can have from noticing the good and sharing it freely. Well worth the 16-minute watch and one of my favorite videos for inspiring positive action.
What a wonderful, ironic truth: filling the needs of others often leads to our own fulfillment.
It takes some effort and attention, but finding ways to give compliments is one of the easiest and most effective ways to positively influence those around us. And it’s often more needed than we realize.
There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.
Mother Teresa (tweet this)
Who will you compliment today?
p.s. If you haven’t already, check out Career Cards. They are a fast and fun conversation tool to discover what matters most in our careers. Launching in September.